At the start of last year, I set myself a new and ambitious resolution. I was going to conquer rejection. I don’t mean that I would never get rejected again. Quite the opposite. I was going to aim for and receive 100 rejections by the end of 2024. I was going to swim in rejection, I would breathe them, live them. I would have so many rejection letters by the end of 2024 that I could construct a whole house and furniture and extension patio out of them. So, you know, just a little challenge to keep me occupied.
The purpose of this slightly masochistic exercise was not, as it would first appear, to destroy any sense of self-worth. No, the purpose was to remove any power of the word “no”. I was going to get so good at hearing the word no, of reading “Unfortunately, on this occasion, you have not been successful,” that it ceased to affect my equilibrium. In my earlier blog post, you can read all about my intentions and goals for the Year of 100 Rejections here.
I took inspiration from writers such as Sylvia Plath and Stephan King who famously celebrate their rejection letters, wearing them as armour, proof of their resilience and determination.
So, that was the attitude I went into 2024 with, and guess what? It worked!
Well, sort of.
I certainly learned a lot from the experience and that’s what I want to share with you, one year on from 100 rejections.
1. Not All Rejections Are The Same
This was probably the biggest thing I learned. It might seem like an obvious one, but not all rejections feel the same. Inevitably, some opportunities will mean more to you than others. Some of them you just want more, so you care more, which means it will hurt more. And that’s OK. I’m now learning to adjust my rejection response, tailor my attitude depending on the opportunity, be honest with myself about how much I secretly (or not so secretly) want it, and tweak the strings of my heart accordingly. This is easier said than done, I’m still fine-tuning the chords of my heart but, like all personal growth, being conscious of it is the first step to progress.
2. It’s Hard To Get 100
OK, so it turns out, 100 is a pretty big number – who knew?! It’s hard to find enough opportunities that you are.
A. Eligible for,
and
B. Can afford to enter (many competitions and applications these days have an entry fee.)
So, did I reach 100 applications? No. Did I give it a bloody good try? Hell yeah! I sent off as much as I could, to the point I even forgot many of the places I had sent into so that when I got the rejection (or the occasional yes!) it often came as a surprise. I sent out a lot, but I did not reach 100. Part of that was simply not enough hours in the day. It became quite time-consuming (and boring) to research suitable opportunities, double-check the rules and eligibility criteria, properly format your work for that particular application, etc, etc. You could do this full-time, all day every day, and still struggle to get to 100, but I sent out more than I would have if I had not made this resolution.
3. It’s OK To Care
Even though the whole purpose of this exercise was to not care, I still, inevitably, found myself caring. It’s hard not to. What I had to be careful of was, when I did find myself caring, not to feel like that was an extra failure. You are human, you are made to care. It’s OK. Sometimes I was disappointed. Once, I even cried (mainly because I misread the email, and thought it was accepting my work only to reread and discover that it was very sweetly rejecting my work. Double burn!) Many rejections did not bother me at all. I’d say most of them had little to no effect on me. Water off a duck’s back. So when a rejection came through from an opportunity I desperately wanted or even felt like I had a good shot at, well, those were the ones that I did care about. And that’s OK too.
4. It Can Force You To Write More
Lots of opportunities have an open theme, allowing you to showcase the work you have already created. This is, undoubtedly easier and less time-consuming however there is a lot to be said for a themed competition. Being forced to write something to a particular genre, word count or theme is a wonderful writing exercise and even if it isn’t chosen, I still feel like I won because now I have a brand new piece of writing that I can use elsewhere. One of my short stories that was published last year was written the previous year in response to a different writing competition. I was delighted to see it finally find its true home at a different publication and prove that all writing has a purpose – it helps you practice and become a better writer.
5. Most Times You Won’t Even Get a No
A lot of the time – most of the time – you will NOT get rejected. You will just get silence and that can almost be harder. It takes so long to read through applications and entries that the wait time for writers to hear about their work can be months. Without an official rejection note, it’s hard to know what’s going on and even harder to get closure. You keep hoping and checking your inbox for any sort of reply, but many publications, don’t have time to give you an answer. Many of them even state in their FAQ that if you do not hear from them within X amount of time, you should assume it is a no. Which brings me to my next point …
6. Pretend It’s Already a No
I promised myself that I would not hold on too tight. I would not hope. I would apply and then forget. I failed.
At the start, I failed at this a lot. I was still holding out for the hope of yes. That’s when it hurt the most. My attitude now is to send off the work and then, very gently, flick a switch in my head that tells me “This has already received a no.” That might seem very depressing and gloomy but in reality, what it does is release me. If I already file that work away as a no then I can carry on with my life, move on to the next thing, and stop thinking about it. I use my imagination to my greatest advantage and create a world where I can let go. I have not fully perfected the technique, but it is working for me, so, for now, I will continue to pretend it is already a no, and move on.
7. Sometimes It’s a Yes!
The joy of sending out so much work is that, statistically, eventually someone is going to say yes. Throw enough at the wall and something is going to stick. Enjoy the yes – then send something new out into the ether!
8. Keep a Record
Just a bit of housekeeping – set yourself up with a spreadsheet or similar to stay organised and on top of your applications. Document what work you have sent, where you sent it to, what date you sent it, and if you heard back. Don’t rely on your memory. This saves you from accidentally sending off the same piece twice, double booking or just generally losing track of yourself. It’s also nice to look back on everything you’ve done and remind yourself how much you do and how much you try.
9. It’s About Letting Go.
The very core of these exercises is to let go. We live in a success-obsessed culture. Success without failure is simply unachievable and so many of us can become suspended in this unrealistic state of imagined failure. Being told “No” is not a failure, rejection isn’t a personal comment on your creativity. You are not in control of how others receive your work or if they accept your work. You are only in control of creating your work and sending out your work. Those are manageable expectations. That is a reasonable thing to ask of yourself. Everything else can be let go of.
10. Don’t Do Anything That Hurts
Let’s be real. Rejection does hurt. Sometimes it hurts more than others. Don’t do anything that hurts you beyond repair. This is meant to be fun, this is meant to bring joy, but if hearing no is too painful, then don’t do it. Nobody said you had to. Keep creating, keep making things, and keep doing the things that bring healing and joy and make you feel good. But don’t keep doing something that is hurting you. If you want to do anything professionally you are, of course, going to face some rejection, but it doesn’t have to be this thing. If it hurts too much, then take a break, and do something else. But, if after a while you find yourself wanting to return, if you feel strong and ready for more, then put yourself back out there. Manage your heart, be kind to yourself, and don’t do anything that hurts.
So the year is over but is my resolution? Am I done with rejection?
Nah.
It’s been a great exercise in resilience, personal management, and dedication. Those are all excellent things for a writer. Ultimately, if it means I write more, then I am keen to do it.
And, shockingly, it was actually fun and writing should be fun. So, as long as it’s fun, I will keep doing it, and maybe 2025 will be the year I reach 101 rejections?
Moor Imagination 